Frequently Asked (or thought) Questions
It can be hard to gauge a personality online. That’s why I’ve assembled this FAQ page to give you more of an idea of who I am, and what I’ll be like as your celebrant. There’s also a bunch of general questions about ceremonies that come up frequently.
Can you give me the elevator pitch of who YOU are as a person and as a celebrant?
I’m warm, open and friendly, and I’m an excellent listener. I’m creative and grounded, with just a touch of quirkiness. I’m organised and tidy, but also a little bit of a prankster. I’m not the loudest person in the room or the quietest, and I’m always described as having a calming presence.
As a celebrant, I get that the day isn’t about me. It’s about the two of you and the commitment you’re making. When I solemnise a marriage, I ensure that the ceremony is focussed on you and your relationship, and try to let the humour come out through the stories about the two of you, rather than me trying to be a stand-up comedian and get laughs for the sake of laughs. In other words, I’ll be there to spotlight the two of you, not myself. I’d say that my ceremonies are a chilled out mix of cheeky, romantic and sincere. I won’t bore your guests with endless droning and I won’t nervously rush through the moment, either.
I also force ask my couples to fill in a post-ceremony questionnaire, and here are the most commonly used words that come back to describe me:
Warm
A good listener
Sweet
Laid back
Fun
Cool
Like an old friend
How do you get to know us to write and personalise our ceremony?
A few different ways! Generally, we’ll start with a FaceTime or Zoom to say a quick hello and have an initial chat, and from there, if you think we’ll be a good fit, we can meet up in person for a coffee/wine and get to know each other a little more. I get to know my couples through a mix of chatting to you and asking you questions in person (I’m happy to listen to as much as you want to tell me about yourselves), and also sending through a couple of questionnaires for you both to fill out in your own time at home - one of these is full of questions about your ceremony (eg. where do you want me to stand, do you intend to include a reading, are you exchanging rings, etc.) and the second is for you to answer questions about each other and your relationship, what marriage means to you, and all that jazz. Some couples are much more private than others, so I’ll take your lead on all of this to make sure that you’re only sharing with me what you’re comfortable with, and only what you want included in your ceremony. We’ll generally meet up at least one more time before your big day, to go over the ceremony details more thoroughly and have a general check in, plus, if you plan to have a rehearsal, I’ll do my best to make it to that as well.
What unique skills can you offer as a celebrant?
I’m an actor and writer, and I have a background in psychology. I believe my skills as a performer will help make your ceremony engaging and entertaining, while my skills as a writer will ensure a solid ceremony script, as well as help in writing your vows if you need. As a psychology enthusiast (I also have mental health first aid training), I believe that I’m a pretty good judge of character, and aside from bringing my great listening skills, I’ll be able to get a good grasp on who you both are as individuals and a couple, which I can incorporate into the creation of your ceremony. I’ve also been told that I’m a very calm and composed person, and that seems like the right kind of energy that you want near you on your wedding day.
How long have you been a celebrant for?
My registration came through during lockdown in 2021, and I haven’t looked back. I solemnised my first marriage in February 2022, and less than 18 months later, had married more than 100 couples. I love my job!
Can you help me write my vows?
Absolutely! I strongly recommend that you write your own vows (this is the best part of the ceremony!), but I’m more than happy to give you suggestions of things to include in them in you’re unsure, or to read over them when you’re done and offer any thoughts. You can even practise them out loud on me if you like! If you’re really hesitant in writing them yourself, I can give you some prompts or loose structures that you can personalise.
Do you stick around for the rest of our wedding? How does that work?
Nope! You don’t have to feed me, and I promise I won’t pester your guests either. Generally, I’ll pack up my gear after the ceremony, and if people want to chat to me I’ll stay for about the time of one glass of sparkling, then head off—ideally, not without grabbing a photo of the three of us first!
Do we get to read your full ceremony script before the wedding?
Generally speaking, couples won’t have read the full ceremony script before the day. This is so that you both get to be surprised and (hopefully) delighted by the ceremony as well—especially the introduction, which is usually the part where your guests hear about your “love story”, or whatnot. However, if you would feel better knowing EXACTLY what is going to be said, no worries! Happy to send you a copy before the day and you can let me know if there’s anything you want changed.
What I do suggest that we do, however, is meet up sometime close to the wedding and go over the order of everything for the ceremony. This is a great chance for you to ask me anything that you’re unclear about, for us to sign the No Legal Impediment to Marry document (which only takes a second, and is ideally signed as close to the day of the ceremony as possible), and for us to make sure we’re on the same page about every little detail of the ceremony.
We want to get married next week! Can you help?
Under Australian law, a Notice of Intended Marriage (NOIM) must be lodged at least one calendar month prior to a marriage being solemnised. There are some exceptions to this which you can read more about on the Births, Deaths & Marriage website. You must apply for a shortening of time to a prescribed authority, such as a Magistrates Court; it is not within a celebrant’s power to grant a shortening of time.
Unfortunately, COVID-19 does not count as an adequate reason for a shortening of time to be granted.
Do you solemnise marriages for LGBTQIA+ couples?
HELL to the YES.
What do we HAVE to include in our wedding ceremony?
Actually, not a lot! There are THREE things that must be done in a civil marriage ceremony for the wedding to be legal, and the rest is just fluff (excellent, strongly recommended fluff though).
a. The Monitum (legal statement)
“I am duly authorised by law (or 'legally registered', or 'the registered marriage celebrant authorised') to solemnise marriages according to law. Before you are joined in marriage in my presence and in the presence of these witnesses, I am to remind you of the solemn (or 'serious' or 'formal') and binding (or 'permanent') nature (or 'promise') of the relationship into which you are now about to enter (or 'formalising' or 'sealing' or 'binding'). Marriage, according to law in Australia, is the union of two people to the exclusion of all others, voluntarily entered into for life.”
b. Minimum Wording of Vows
You two, the marrying couple, must say the minimum wording of vows. The wording for this is as follows (small changes may be made, as shown in brackets):
“I call upon (or 'ask') the persons (or 'people') here present to witness that I, (name of Person 1) take thee (or 'you') (name of Person 2) to be my lawful wedded (wife/husband/spouse).”
c. Signing the Register
During the ceremony, and after the Monitum and minimum wording of vows have taken place, we will take a moment to sign the wedding register and marriage certificates at a table set up nearby. The couple, their two chosen witnesses and the celebrant must sign all three documents so that everything is official.
What other legal things do we have to do before we can get married?
This is actually really straightforward, and I’ll take care of all of it for you. So, there are TWO forms that you’ll need to sign before the marriage which I will provide to you in person and talk you through. The first is the Notice of Intended Marriage (NOIM), which needs to be witnessed by either me as your celebrant or another qualified specialist (doctor, JP, police officer, another celebrant) and also requires you to show me some ID (passport is your easiest option, and if you don’t have a passport, it’ll be a birth certificate and driver licence/proof of age card). The second is the Declaration of No Legal Impediment to Marriage, and is ideally signed by you both as close to the ceremony as possible, and just requires a quick signature. These forms both stay with me until after your marriage; then, they’ll join the Official Certificate of Marriage that we’ll all sign during your ceremony, and I’ll send a copy of all three to Births, Deaths & Marriages immediately after your wedding day. That’s pretty much it!
How do I change my name after my wedding?
If you married in Australia, you don’t need to apply for a change of name. Just give the relevant organisations a copy of your Australian marriage certificate. This will arrive via the post once your marriage has been processed with Births, Deaths and Marriages (BDM) if you asked me to apply for it for you (BDM charges $64.40 for your legal certificate). It can take 4-6 weeks for BDM to process your marriage and send your certificate. To update your family name on documents such as your driver licence, passport and bank accounts, contact those organisations (VicRoads, the Australian Passport Office. your bank, etc.). You'll need to give them either a marriage certificate, or a change of name certificate. If you married in Australia, you can take your spouse's family name or both partners can hyphenate their family names
Please note that the commemorative “party” certificate you will sign and take home with you on your wedding day isn't the “official” (legal) marriage certificate. Most organisations will only accept the BDM-issued legal certificate as evidence of marriage. If you want to immediately change your name on your Facebook or something unofficial like that, feel free to do this whenever!
The thought of being stared at and talked about during my ceremony freaks me out a little! Can I have a few drinks beforehand to take the edge off?
Hey, whatever works for you! Just note though that you can’t be intoxicated/under the influence of a different substance for your ceremony, because it means that this impairs your ability to consent to the marriage, and as your celebrant it puts me in a very tricky position where I won’t be able to solemnise your marriage.
How many guests do we need as a minimum at our ceremony?
As a minimum, you need TWO witnesses present and they will be required to sign the marriage certificate. I cannot act as one of your witnesses.
I want my sister/father/bestie/nemesis/etc to conduct the ceremony. Is this possible?
Bit of yes, bit of no. All of the legal components of the ceremony must be performed by the celebrant, and it must be clear to everyone present that the celebrant is the prescribed authority who is legally authorised to solemnise your marriage. However, if you want a loved one to read out your introduction and talk about the two of you, perform a reading, or play a large role in the ceremony, there are certainly ways of incorporating them into it and I’ve done it before! This is a good option for couples who feel that it’s a bit weird for a celebrant who barely knows them or their history to talk about them as if they’ve been around for the whole relationship and is really just a matter of personal preference.
We want to include our children in the ceremony. Is this possible?
Sure! I love kiddies. They could perform a reading or ritual, or just stand up there with you looking cute. Chat to me about fun rituals or ideas on how we can get them involved.
I want to surprise my partner with a surprise wedding! Can you help me?
Ah, no. As potentially romantic as this sounds, the NOIM must be lodged at least one calendar month prior to the solemnisation of a marriage, and both parties must have signed it and provided proof of identity, as well as signing a Declaration of No Legal Impediment to Marriage. The other thing to consider is that a celebrant must be sure that neither party to the marriage is being coerced into it - that is, I need to know that you both want to marry each other. In a surprise ceremony, this is not guaranteed because one partner has been kinda ambushed by the wedding, and even if they seem into it in the moment, they haven’t really had much time to think it over and will probably be full of shock and adrenaline.
We can, however, plan a surprise wedding for your family and friends to attend! As long as both you and your partner are in on it and have lodged the appropriate forms ahead of time, let’s sneak away! I absolutely LOVE surprise weddings and one of my fondest memories is helping to plan and solemnise a surprise marriage.
Do we have to include religion in our ceremony?
Nope! Only if you want to reference religion in some way will I do so, and I will be completely guided by you in this. I am not a highly religious person myself, but I am open to all cultures and beliefs, so please discuss this with me in more detail if you want to know more. If you are looking for a HIGHLY religious ceremony, have you considered having a minister of your religion solemnise your marriage instead?
Whereabouts are you located?
I am based in Highett, on the Bayside/south side of Melbourne.
Do you travel?
Sure! I can travel anywhere within Victoria for your wedding, though if your venue is over one hour out of Melbourne, additional travel fees may apply.
Hmm. You’re an actor, you say? Will you steal the spotlight on our big day?
Absolutely not (I’m also a Leo, but I promise that won’t affect the ceremony either)! This is YOUR day and I can’t wait to shower you both with attention.
Where my skills as an actor will come in handy, however, is that you’re guaranteed a celebrant with an appealing, powerful voice, plenty of empathy, a complete lack of stage fright, and someone who is used to commanding a roomful of people, so your guests won’t want to start snoozing. Not to mention, I love dress ups so I’ll jump on board any theme you throw at me.
Do you also MC weddings?
For sure! My vibe as an MC will be the same as my celebrant vibe—not loud and obnoxious, but a bit more unobtrusive, and I’ll make a cute quip here and there as I introduce your speakers. Once again, I’ll make the focus all about you and your guests, not myself.